Nerve photographer Ellen Stagg comments on the death of Helmut Newton:

"I'm shocked and sad to hear there will be no new images from Helmut Newton."

I want that to be my epitaph:

Here Lies Optimuscrime;
There Will Be No New Images

The lovely but accident-prone Plus One has informed me that she spilled a sample containing uranium and arsenic on herself.

What concentration, I asked?

"Well, in lab terms, low," she replied. "But in real world, not-wanting-cancer terms? 'Do Not Touch'. The liquid has a faint glow."

My current hosting arrangement is about as reliable as getting the Amish to run the site. So, I'm moving webhosts. Don't worry: there will be no reduction in snarky, cynical posts. The address (optimuscrime.com) you know and love will stay. But until Saturday, little perks like images might not work so well.

So the Optimuscrime.com Term Paper Of Glory isn't quite finished. But tomorrow, things will be different. Really.

Dead language? Quislibet thinks not!

Proof positive: the Latin translation of Sir Mix-a-Lot's classic anthem Baby Got Back. Translated back to English:

O colleagues (What is it?) O colleagues (What is it?)

Do your girlfriends have large buttocks? (They certainly have!)

Encourage them therefore to shake them!